Hidden Feelings
by XXTechnoXMasterXX
Summary: The twins have been fighting recently so David decides that they need therapy, one of the only problems is that Bill refuses to go. So now, Tom is going to therapy alone. During the therapy sessions, though, he starts to figure out that he has some non-brotherly feelings for his twin. What will happen? - Tokio Hotel - Tom/Bill
1. Changes

"But we don't need to go to a damn therapist!" Tom whined into the phone after Jost told him the news.

"Yes you do, you two keep acting out and it's affecting everyone." David said, "Now go get your brother, I'll be waiting outside." He added before hanging up.

"Fine." The guitarist growled, tossing his cell phone onto the couch and trudged up the stairs to his twin's room. Not bothering to knock, he slammed the door open. "Hey princess, get your prissy ass out to the car, we're going to a therapist."

Bill looked up from the laptop placed in front of him. "Like hell I'm going to a therapist, tell David I'm not going." He said and pushed his dreadlocks out of his kohl-lined eyes.

"Stop being such a diva, Bill."

"I'll stop being a diva when you stop being such a jackass all the time, Tom."

"I'm not being a jackass."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

The singer rolled his eyes, flipping his twin off with a perfectly manicured finger as he returned his attention to his laptop. "Now leave." He said, turning to a mirror to touch up on his makeup.

"Fine." Tom growled. "And stop wearing that awful makeup; it makes you look like a stupid slut." He added in a cruel tone and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Bill frowned a little as the door closed, wondering why his twin was being so distant and mean to him all of the sudden. He turned back to the mirror and started wiping off the black kohl surrounding his eyes, sniffling softly.

The guitarist got into the car with their manager, worrying his lip ring.

"Where's Bill?" David asked as he glanced back at him.

"_It's_ not coming." Tom replied, referring to his twin in an angry tone.

Jost frowned but didn't question him any further. The cornrowed teen stayed silent as they drove to the therapist's office.

"So, David told me that you and Bill have been fighting recently, is that true?" The therapist, a petite, dark haired woman in her mid-twenties, asked.

Tom simply shrugged, glaring at the ground.

"When did the fighting start?"

The guitarist frowned as he thought of when he started to act differently towards his little brother. "After we did the music video for 'Automatic'." He replied.

"And why is that?"

"I don't know."

"Did something happen during the making of it? What made you two fight?"

"Nothing other than he changed how he looked."

"Do you not like how he looks now? Is that why you're fighting?"

"Nein."

"Then why?"

The young male hesitated. ". . .He's too pretty, he's always been too pretty, but now. . .it makes me feel. . .weird. . ." He mumbled, shifting in his seat a little.

"Weird how?"

"Just weird." Tom mumbled.

"Like how you feel around girls?"

The male didn't answer, worrying his lip ring.

The therapist wrote down a few things on a note pad. "Do you feel different when you're around him? Does it feel like you love him more than you would like?"

Tom tensed and didn't reply.

"You can tell me, these sessions are completely confidential, no one will know."

The guitarist sighed and shook his head. "I don't think I do."

The woman nodded understandingly and checked her watch. "Our time is up, our next session will be next week."

Tom nodded and stood up, walking out of the office quietly.

"Hey, Bill?" The older twin asked as he walked into the younger male's room.

The singer looked up from his dying laptop, frowning at his twin. "What?" He mumbled. He fidgeted nervously as he noticed the guitarist staring at him. "Tom?"

The cornrowed male blinked, a small blush rising on his cheeks as he realized he was staring at his baby brother. "Uh, y-yeah?"

"What're you doing here?"

"Can I not come visit my baby brother?" Tom asked and sat down on the younger twin's bed beside the other male.

Bill stayed silent, shifting away slightly when his brother's knee nudged his own. The guitarist looked his twin over, noting that he wasn't wearing any makeup and that he had his ebony and white dreadlocks pulled back in a low ponytail. The singer shifted a little farther away as he turned his attention back to his laptop.

"Why did you take off your makeup? You love wearing it." Tom said, not remembering the incident of that morning.

"You said I looked like a stupid slut." Bill mumbled, not even glancing up at his twin.

"Oh." The guitarist said quietly, frowning as he remembered how hurt his brother had looked. He glanced at the website the younger male was looking at and blinked. "Isn't that a girl's website?"

"Who said it was?" The singer replied, blushing darkly.

"You're looking a website made for girls, Bill!" Tom laughed. "You're more of a girl than I thought you were!"

Bill froze. "Y-You already thought I was more of a girl than a guy?"

The cornrowed male slowly stopped laughing when he saw the devastated expression on his baby brother's face. "Oh, no, Bill, I meant-"

"I think you should leave." The dreadlocked male said quietly, sniffling as he turned away from his twin and looked back at his laptop.

"Bill. . ."

"Leave."

Tom frowned but slowly stood up and walked out of the younger male's room. He looked back at his little brother, wanting to say something. Bill pointed at the doorway, motioning for his twin to leave, frantically wiping at his eyes with his other hand. The guitarist's frown deepened as he walked out and closed the door behind him.

"But I don't love Bill as more than a brother!" Tom tried to explain to his therapist.

"Not even moments ago, you said that you two had kissed."

"During a storm years ago to calm him down, it didn't mean anything!"

"From what you've told me, it seems as though that triggered your feelings for him."

"I don't love my brother like that!" The guitarist shouted and stormed out.

Tom walked into his house, back from another therapy session and saw his twin sprawled out on the couch. "Hey, Bill." He mumbled.

The singer looked up, a stray dreadlock falling in front of his face. He pouted and flicked it back. "Hi, Tomi."

The guitarist smiled at how cute his twin was. He paused, did he just think his twin was _cute_? He shrugged it off, as he's had these thoughts from time to time for a while now. "Now move your lazy ass over, I wanna sit down."

Bill rolled his eyes and moved his legs out of the way to make room for his older brother. He returned his attention to the TV and grabbed the remote, searching for something to watch. After a couple moments of futile searching, he pouted again.

"Nothing's on."

The older male looked over at his twin, a thought of what it would be like to kiss him briefly entering his mind. He froze, horrified at what he just thought.

"Something wrong?" Bill asked him, leaning over and placing a hand on the other male's knee as he looked at the guitarist, worried.

"N-No, nothing's wrong." Tom stuttered, "And don't touch me." He added as he gently, yet still forcefully, pushed his twin's hand off his knee.

"Tomi?" The singer asked in a hurt tone.

"No, just no." The guitarist said quickly and rushed off to his room, leaving his twin sitting on the couch, hurt.

The next day the twins were fighting again, Bill standing in the doorway of Tom's room and said guitarist sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Damn it, Tom! All I wanted to do was spend time together and you have to be a jackass about it!"

"I wouldn't be a jackass if you weren't such a damn freak!" Tom froze after he said that, immediately wishing he could take it back

Bill visibly flinched, hurt taking over his features. He turned and walked dejectedly out of the room, hurrying down the stairs to leave the house. The older male soon followed, beating himself up in his mind. He walked to the park that they used to go to when they were kids and soon saw a thin body curled up under a tree with their head buried in their arms.

He knew it was Bill as he walked over to him. "Bill?"

"G-Go away." The singer said softly, shrinking into a smaller ball when he heard his twin.

Tom sighed in frustration, hiding his concern with anger. "Oh come on, Bill, stop being such a whiny little bitch, I've had enough to deal with today and your stupid ass isn't helping." He said, slapping a hand over his mouth when he realized when he said, never meaning to say something that harsh.

Bill looked up at him, streaks of kohl running down his flushed face, indicating his silent tears. He stood and ran before his twin could even blink.

"Shit." The guitarist hissed, wondering why he felt the sudden need to be so mean to his baby brother all the time. He froze, thinking about what would happen if the therapist turned out to be right, what if he did love Bill that way? What if he was acting angry to fool himself into thinking that he didn't love Bill like that?

Giving up on entertaining those thoughts, he hurried after his twin. "Bill, wait!" He called after the singer, nearly tripping multiple times as he ran deeper into the forest.

"Leave me alone!" The younger male cried from far in the forest.

"Listen, I'm sorry!"

"Just go away, Tom!" Bill shouted from a place deep in the forest, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

After what seemed like an eternity, Tom finally found his younger brother. He frowned as he walked over to the singer. "Bill?"

"What part of 'go away' do you not understand?" The dreadlocked male asked, glaring up at him with tearful eyes.

"Bibi." Tom sighed softly and knelt down beside the other male.

Bill frowned at the old nickname, shifting away from his twin. He tensed up when the guitarist moved closer. The cornrowed male gently took his twin's face in his hands and wiped away the other male's tears with his thumbs. A light blush appeared on the younger twin's pale face as he looked up at his older brother.

"T-Tomi?" He stuttered quietly, confused and nervous.

"I'm sorry." Tom mumbled and pulled the singer into a hug.

The younger male hesitantly returned the hug, resting his head against the guitarist's chest.

"Now, let's go home." The guitarist said quietly and stood, helping his twin stand up.


	2. Disaster

It had been a month since Tom's first therapy session and frankly, Bill was as confused as hell. One minute Tom would be nice and almost clingy, wanting to stay around his baby brother, always touching him, whether it be his hand or his shoulder or his knee, and then the next minute the guitarist seemed like he wanted nothing to do with the ebony haired male, keeping at least a few feet between them.

Right then, Tom was in one of his clingy moods, his arm draped around the younger male's shoulders as they watched a random show on TV. It was around eleven at night and the singer was almost asleep, leaning against his twin's side with his head resting on the other male's shoulder. After a few moments the dreadlocked male slowly fell asleep. The guitarist looked down at him and smiled softly, kissing the top of his head before resuming watching television.

The next day, Tom was avoiding Bill, and it was starting to hurt the singer.

"Tomi, can we talk?" Bill asked, pushing ebony dreadlocks out of his kohl-lined eyes as he looked over at his twin.

The older male didn't even glance up from the guitar positioned in his lap. He didn't answer, ignoring his younger brother while continuing to strum an unknown tune.

The singer frowned. "Tom?"

The guitarist stayed silent.

Bill's frown deepened and he sighed. "Fine. Come talk to me when you stop being such a bastard." He mumbled and walked up to his room.

Hours passed and the older twin hadn't so much as moved from the living room. The dreadlocked male sat in his room, wiping kohl-tinted tear tracks off of his flushed cheeks with a damp cloth. He removed the rest of his makeup and sniffled. After taking a few minutes to compose himself, he got up and walked down to the living room.

"Tom?"

Tom, who had started to watch TV, continued to ignore his baby brother, seemingly lost in thought.

"Damn it, Tom, would it kill you to look at me?!"

'_Yes.'_ The guitarist thought, glancing at his beautiful twin. His breath caught in his throat when he found that the younger male removed his makeup, which he had always thought made the singer look even prettier. A frown crossed over his face once he noticed the tears gathering in the other male's honey brown eyes. "Hm?"

"Why are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I did, I didn't mean to." Bill said in a softer, almost heartbroken, tone.

Tom frowned. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

"I. . .I can't tell you." The guitarist mumbled, still hesitating to let himself accept his feelings for the singer, let alone able to tell his twin what he feels for him.

"Why not? We tell each other everything." The singer said in a sad tone.

"I just can't, damn it, stop asking!" Tom said and quickly left the room.

Bill watched him leave, sniffling, and silently walked back into his bedroom, staying there for the rest of the day.

* * *

Tom walked to the therapist's office for one of his last sessions. He walked in, closing the door behind him, and sat down.

"David's been telling me that you have been avoiding Bill. Why?" The therapist asked curiously.

"I don't really know. I just feel weird around him, like I'm going to do. . .something. . .if I'm too close to him sometimes."

"Like you're going to do what?"

"I don't know."

"Kiss? Touch? Anything?"

The guitarist hesitated but nodded. "I feel like I want to kiss him and hold him and I don't know why." He mumbled, a faint blush rising on his cheeks.

"What else do you feel around him? Happiness? Do you get nervous around him?"

The cornrowed male nodded.

"Do you feel anything else?"

Tom shrugged, eyes downcast to the floor.

"You can tell me."

"I don't know."

"Do you like him more than you like any of the girls you've been with?"

"Of course, he means more than them."

"In what way?"

"I don't know."

The therapist nodded and scribbled a few notes onto a notepad. "We only have one more session, which will be in a few weeks."

Tom nodded his acknowledgement and walked out quietly.

* * *

Once home, Tom looked around, not seeing any sign of his baby brother. "Bill?" He called, walking into the main room. "Billa?" He walked into the kitchen before finally walking up to the singer's bedroom. He knocked on the door quietly. "Bibi?" He asked quietly.

"Gehen Sie weg." Bill mumbled, wiping at his eyes futilely.

"Maüschen, what's wrong?" Tom asked as he walked into the room, ignoring his twin's weak protests.

"Nothin'." The singer mumbled as he turned away from the guitarist.

"Billa, don't lie to me." The older male said quietly and sat down next to his twin, turning the other male to him. "Why're you crying?"

"It's not like you'd care." Bill mumbled, avoiding his twin's worried gaze.

"Of course I'd care, Billa." Tom said, frowning.

"Stop lying!" The younger male said and moved away from the other male.

"But I'm not!"

"Like hell you aren't! I can't remember a time when you cared about me!" Bill said and quickly walked out.

"Bill, what the hell's up with you?" The guitarist asked as he followed his twin.

"You're what's up with me!" Bill replied angrily and snatched his car keys off a small table.

"Where're you going?"

"Anywhere away from you!"

Tom followed his twin up to the point where the singer got into his car. "Bill-"

"Nein! Kein Gespräch!" The dreadlocked male said and drove off.

The guitarist frowned deeply and walked back inside the house. He flopped onto the couch and turned on the television.

Hours later he woke up, having fallen asleep a good four hours ago, a white-hot pain flashing through his chest and head which had caused him to wake up in the first place. He gasped, shooting up into a sitting position as he held his head in his hands. Once the pain passed, he slowly uncurled himself from the ball he ended up forming and tiredly rubbed at his eyes so he could focus on whatever was on the television. His eyes widened when he saw a car, looking extremely similar to Bill's, overturned and completely totaled. He felt his heart stop, dread washing over him as he saw the caption – 'Bill Kaulitz of Tokio Hotel caught in lethal car crash'.

"Bill!"

* * *

Translations –

"Gehen Sie weg." – 'Go away.' in German

"Maüschen." - 'Little mouse' in German

"Nein! Kein Gespräch!" - 'No! No talking!' in German

Sorry if any of these are wrong, I got them off of a translator.


	3. Uncovered

It had been an hour since Tom had made it to the hospital. He sat by his twin's bedside, gripping his twin's hand tightly in his own. Bill had yet to awaken due to how he had hit his head extremely hard at the incident of the crash since the airbag hadn't deployed, multiple minor bandaged cuts scattered across his pale face, along with a deep, gauze-covered gash taking up over half his collarbone and leading up to his neck, many other bruises and scrapes lining his body, most injuries of which are hidden by his clothes.

"Please wake up, Billa, please. . ." The guitarist mumbled, voice hoarse from how long he's been crying. He wiped away his tears, laying his head near his twin's shoulder on the bed. "Ich liebe dich." He added quietly, wishing he had said it sooner. New tears came to his eyes and he wiped them away futilely. He fell into a short, tortured sleep.

The next day Tom woke up only to find his baby brother was still unconscious. A deep frown crossed his face as he raised a hand to brush ebony dreadlocks out of his twin's eyes. "Es tut mir leid, Maüschen." He mumbled softly in a wavering voice. Silent tears fell from his eyes as he looked at his injured twin, his heart breaking a little at seeing the singer all cut up. He pressed a kiss to the younger male's forehead, trying to will away the tears building up in his eyes again.

A cold sense of dread settled in him once the thought of Bill never waking up crossed his mind. He gave up on holding his tears back, resting his head on the singer's chest as he began to cry. "Please wake up, Bibi. . ." He sobbed softly. "I'm sorry I've been such a stupid jackass, I love you, I miss you, just please wake up. . ." He mumbled pitifully, wiping away his tears before burying his face in the singer's neck, wishing the ebony haired male would wake up soon. He sat there for hours, crying heartbrokenly from time to time as more thoughts of Bill dying; despite how minor his injuries may have been, crept into his mind. He got no sleep that night.

When he woke up the next day, the singer was still unconscious. Another round of tears hit him and he let them fall, not caring enough to fight them or wipe them away. In his depressed state, he hadn't noticed that the younger male's eyes had slowly begun to open.

"Tomi. . .?" The singer asked softly.

Tom jumped a little and glanced over at the dreadlocked male. It took his mind a few moments to process that his twin was awake, and when he realized it, he immediately pulled him into his arms. Bill hugged his older brother back.

"Never scare me like that again." The guitarist mumbled against the younger male's shoulder.

The singer simply nodded.

"I'm sorry about being such a jackass, Billa."

"You're my twin, Tomi, no matter what you do, I'll always forgive you." Bill stated with a tired smile as he pulled back enough to wipe away his twin's tears.

The cornrowed male smiled back uneasily. 'Oh, if only he knew.' He thought.

* * *

It had been a week since Bill was released from the hospital, most of his minor injuries healed. He and his twin sat on the couch of their house, watching random shows on television. His head rested on the guitarist's shoulder as he began to drift off to sleep. Tom had an arm wrapped around his twin's shoulders and he looked down at the younger male with a small smile, thinking he's already asleep.

He kissed the top of the dreadlocked male's head. "Ich liebe dich mehr als ich sollte." He said softly, going back to watching television.

The younger male's heart skipped a beat but he remained silent, keeping up the illusion that he was asleep. Soon the cornrowed male fell asleep. Bill remained curled up at his side, thinking over what he said.

* * *

Weeks passed and the singer was beginning to get more nervous and uneasy around his twin, not knowing how to act or what to say anymore around the older male, wanting to make sure they felt the same thing for each other instead of blurting it out and making a fool of himself. Throughout the photo shoots and interviews he made either Georg or Gustav stay between him and Tom. Tom was confused and hurt at the dreadlocked male's sudden behavior, not knowing what he did to make him act like that.

Right then, he was on his way to his last therapy session that he had postponed until he had made sure that all of Bill's injuries had healed. He walked into the therapist's office and sat down, wanting to get the final session over with.

The therapist looked up from her notes. "Has anything new happened lately? New feelings?" She asked, getting right down to the point.

"Bill had a car accident."

The brunette nodded and waited for him to continue.

"I told him that I loved him more than as just a brother, but he was asleep at the time."

"Has anything else happened?" The young woman asked.

"He's been avoiding me lately."

"Why do you think he's been doing that?"

"Because he knows that I love him like that."

The therapist nodded, writing something down on a notepad. "Do you want him to know that you love him like that?"

Tom hesitated, not knowing how to respond.

"Do you want him to know only if he loves you back?" She suggested.

The guitarist nodded after thinking for a moment.

"Has it ever seemed to you that he does love you back?"

He hesitated again, not sure if he even had an answer to that question.

"How does he usually act around you?"  
"Over-affectionate, but he's like that with everyone, he's always wanting to hang out with me, he gets really pissed if I take a girl to my hotel room. . ." Tom said, listing many more things.

The therapist nodded again and added more things on the notepad. "Do you ever wonder what might cause him to react like that? Have you thought that he might be acting like that out of jealousy?"

The guitarist shook his head. "I never thought of it like that."

"Do you think it might be a possibility?"

Tom thought about it for a moment before nodding.

"You can either tell him or keep it to yourself, it's your decision on whether you want him to know or not." The therapist said once he nodded, putting away the notepad.

The cornrowed male nodded and left as the session finished. He went back to his and Bill's house, contemplating on whether or not he should tell his twin what he felt. He walked into the house and shrugged off his jacket before heading up to his room.

A few hours later Bill walked into his twin's room without knocking and plopped down on the bed next to him, easily cuddling into his side. He tucked his head under his older brother's chin and wrapped his arms around his waist. Tom set his guitar off to the side, surprised at the singer's sudden display of affection after weeks of barely even talking to each other. He hesitantly put an arm around the younger male, not knowing how to act in this situation at all, especially with the singer now basically sitting in his lap. He froze up when the younger male actually did sit in his lap, the dreadlocked male's arms wrapped around his waist.

"Billa?" He asked quietly.

"Hm?" The younger male hummed and looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes.

Without thinking, Tom leaned in, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to his twin's lips. Once he realized what he did he immediately pulled away. He opened his mouth to apologize, but hesitated when he saw the large smile on Bill's face. The singer rested his head back on his twin's shoulder, playing with his cornrows.

"Bibi?" Tom asked, confused.

The younger male made a small noise and looked up at him, the smile still on his face.

"You aren't mad that I just kissed you?" The guitarist asked.

Bill shook his head and kissed the other male, winding his arms around his neck. "I heard you the other night when you said you loved me."

Tom froze, hoping that the dreadlocked male sitting in his lap was kidding.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" The singer asked curiously.

"I was afraid that you wouldn't love me back." The older male said quietly, looking at the floor.

The dreadlocked male's smile grew. "Silly Tomi, I've always loved you." He said and kissed his brother again.

* * *

Bill smiled as he sat on the couch, remembering how he and Tom had finally gotten together the year before. Tom walked in and sat beside him, smiling as the singer cuddled into his side.

"What're you thinking about?" He asked as he played with a stray lock of hair from the singer's mohawk, which Bill had refused to style that day.

"When you finally had the courage to kiss me." The younger male replied with a smile.

The guitarist smiled back easily, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Though, sometimes I wish you still had those dreads," He said after a few moments of comfortable silence as he ran a hand through the singer's hair, "They made you look so pretty."

"So I'm not pretty now?" Bill asked with a fake pout.

"Of course you are, you're the prettiest and most beautiful person I've ever seen."

The ebony haired male smiled and kissed him, locking his hands behind his neck. Tom returned the kiss happily, running his hands up and down his twin's sides.

* * *

-TRANSLATIONS—

'Ich liebe dich.' – 'I love you.' in German

'Es tut mir leid.' – 'I'm sorry.' in German

'Maüschen.' – I have heard Tom call Bill this on some occasions and I've been told it means 'little mouse.' in German

'Ich liebe dich mehr als ich sollte.' – 'I love you more than I should.' in German


End file.
